Falls, Failure and F*ck Ups

What if I told you that your mistakes are not a reflection of who you are, that when you’ve fallen down it is just apart of your journey towards success, or that it’s not the “end of the world” when you f*ck up?

While I can certainly tell you all of those things and despite the truth that lies within those statements, if you’re anything like me you’ve discovered that despite reassurance, we can still feel pretty crummy about poor decisions.

I used to be deeply ashamed of mistakes I’ve made and trust me, I’ve made my fair share. I’d tell myself something along the lines of, “my mistakes don’t define me.” Which was a subtle attempt to remove the burden of dealing with my insecurities head on. The past is the past right? Yet, as I creep farther into adulthood I see that even the not-so-great things I have done define me; they are just as integral in who I am as my successes are.

From poor choices in romantic and platonic relationships, letting my pride get in the way of making sound decisions, reacting prior to thinking, avoiding healthy communication practices, skipping or dropping classes I should have went to, getting in trouble with the law and having to pay a fine, falling behind on my finances and allowing my credit score to suffer – there’s more than a handful of things I wish I could just go back and redo or not do at all.

But I can’t. None of us can.

I would often feel conflicted as people would share how much of an “inspiration” or “leader” they found me to be and in the back of my mind I couldn’t help but to think, if they only knew. My mistakes were like the dreadful step-child I tried so desperately to hide. It was (and still is) difficult trying to navigate the balance of being transparent and being a role model/public figure. Even with understanding that no role model or person at that, is perfect, it easy to fall under societal pressures and want to be without flaw, or share those flaws with others.

I’ve learned to embrace all parts of Devin; the good, bad and in between. I embrace the low points that challenged my faith and endurance, as well as the high points when I was motivated by my own successes. I’ve let go of the fear of being judged by my mistakes or otherwise, because it is inevitable – I will never please everyone. I’ve allowed where I’ve gone wrong to help guide me to right. I’ve accepted that I will indeed make mistakes again, as there’s no age limit or deadline. This is me, take it or leave it.

I’m still growing, learning, and figuring things out and as a result I am bound to f*ck up somewhere along the line. And you are too, so embrace the journey my friends. Life goes on. I promise.

As always,

Devin J.



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