How long does it take to process hurt? A week or two, a few months, years? Well, before you get too eager, I don’t have the answer, nor believe that there is one. Levels of hurt vary.. I mean you have the hurt of losing a loved one, hurt when making a tough decision, hurt after getting a poor exam on a quiz, hurt when you can no longer fit your favorite pair of jeans, hurt when the trauma of an assault resurfaces, and hurt following a break up. These are just a few examples, but all hurts are different and valid. Frankly, some hurt may never go away, we simply learn to live with it.
I’ve used the word transparent on my blog quite a bit in recent weeks, but I have to be honest with you all.. well, for real this time, I haven’t been entirely transparent. I’ve been giving my readers (along with family and friends) bits and pieces of what’s going on, attempting to uphold this image/idea of what others think Devin is or want Devin to be.
Publishing uplifting posts that make good for sharing, but bad for processing the hurt I am going through. I tiptoed around telling how I really felt or what’s really on my mind, because I was worried that people would see anything other than happiness in me as a weakness or question my validity as a leader or ‘role model’.
— Aside: Click here to read my thoughts about role models.
*sighs* Readers, I am hurt and I’ve come to learn that it is okay to not be okay.
We exist in this, “I am always happy, nothing ever goes wrong in my life”, over-saturated realm of fake positivity, which is largely fueled by the images of self we present on social media.
You’re probably thinking, “Devin, why would I want to share my low points publicly for hundreds of people I don’t even know to see?”
Good question. Well, two things: You don’t have to (1) and understand how many others have that same mindset (2). Therefore, if no one or very few are choosing to share low points in their lives, we are only seeing the good when we log on. This can quickly become toxic, as we unconsciously begin to compare ourselves and situations to what others are choosing to share.
Ya’ll knew that though.. and this isn’t what this post is about.
Readers, I want you to know that your feelings are valid. Your experiences and healing processes are your own to process. You are allowed to feel pain, just as much as you are allowed to feel joy. Your pain, low points, or sadness is not a burden. No one is happy all the time, we all have shortcomings, trying times, and moments of weakness. Whether you choose to be transparent about those experiences or not is your choice. If no one has told you before, I am telling you.
One of the most damaging things that people in my life have done, is made me feel that my healing process had to be quick. Getting over something isn’t always a “three, two, one, and done” process, sometimes there are more steps and more importantly it may take longer than others in our lives want it to. I’ve been told to, “Get over it” or “Things will be better tomorrow” and while, I am sure the intentions are well, we have to all be cautious in putting timelines on people’s healing.
Allow those around you to heal on their own terms, and not yours.