Right Person, Wrong Time and the Issue of Entitlement

Awhile ago someone posed a question on Twitter that asked their followers this:

“Is there such thing as the right person at the wrong time, or is it just the wrong person all together?”

This was question that I never really thought of before, and moreover challenged me to think about when and what the “wrong” time in someone’s life could be. Like most things in life, the older (or rather the more exposed) I get the more clearly I see and understand that it’s completely possible to meet someone at the wrong time or just meet the wrong person.

Let me explain.

Whether it’s the fact the one person is emotionally more mature, one is looking to settle while the other isn’t, differing priorities, differing career or personal goals, previous relationships that haven’t completely ended..you name it and it could be a reason that it’s simply the wrong time. Quite frankly I’m sure its frustrating to be on either side of said scenarios, as you’ll both have a difficult time seeing eye to eye on expectations. Actions and words after you surpass the “honeymoon” stage will be over analyzed and taken far deeper than they would of had you both been on the same  level of understanding. So, what do you do when you think it’s the right person at the wrong time? 

Well, I hope you are looking to me for the answer, but I will say this:

My mother always told me, if it’s meant to be, it will be. This isn’t meant to dilute any of the effort that goes into the maintenance of a relationship, yet if you’re really with the one, things will work out the way they are supposed to.

While I can understand what my mom means here, its scary as all get out to essentially leave things up to chance. I’m a planner. I like to know what’s going to happen, when it’s going to happen, and moreover how it’s going to happen. I suppose I like feeling in control of situations, because then I know what and where to invest my time, energy, and love to. Nothing is more draining than placing that into the wrong hands or space.

Getting back to the original question of the tweet, is it possible that it’s just the wrong person all together – I vote yes, sometimes.

I’ve seen it happen far too many times where people try to force themselves within another’s life and that in itself is problematic. You can be a great person, have great intentions, and genuinely care for or shoot even love your partner, but still not be the best fit for them – and that’s okay!  I think this is what a lot of adults have trouble understanding. As in our heads we are thinking, I am doing everything right, what’s not to love? Neglecting that you can be doing everything right for the wrong person. Sometimes your “right” isn’t the “right” that they need – are ya’ll with me?

I truly believe this is the root of relationship issues now, sure there’s social media and constant connectivity, but this feeling of entitlement is what I believe is really killing dating. We feel entitled to commitment when doing the right thing and we also feel entitled to giving to someone that we no longer are involved with. As I said, you can be a phenomenal being, but just not the one for him or her and if you were involved with someone that was good to you and it didn’t work out stop thinking you owe them something because they were good to you at one point in time. There’s a lot of good people out here. Avoid blocking your blessings and potentially someone else’s by being entitled.

Whew – long story short this is why communication is essential. It’s important to be transparent, open, receptive, etc to your partner. So yes it can certainly be the right person at the wrong time, or it can just be the wrong person all around. Know yourself, know your worth, and know who belongs in your life and simply who doesn’t.

As always,

Devin J

 

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